Male treason today will not surprise anyone. Moreover, in society there is no sharp condemnation of men for their campaigns on the side. The explanation of their polygamous physiology is most often limited to one phrase “He is a man!”, Which implies permission for treason. And, despite the fact that cheating on her husband is one of the common causes of divorce in the world, most often male fleeting passions by their wives are forgiven.
Try to understand how your woman feels, and if there is a chance to restructure the relationship, use it if she loves you, and she will do it for sure. In letters and on male portals, articles about betrayal regularly appear, but usually these types of texts take into account only one point of view - men.
So, from articles for men, we will learn how to avoid getting into treason, find out your partner is cheating on you and will find out why we all do this. Unfortunately, we rarely have an idea of the psyche of the other side, which is very unfortunate, because if it were different, we could deceive a little less.
The attitude in society towards female adultery is the opposite. From ancient times, a woman was considered a coastline, the keeper of the hearth. Her modesty, loyalty to her husband were considered the most valuable qualities. In some cultures, a wife could be executed for treason, more often the crowd stoned the traitor. Today, a woman who cheated on her spouse does not expect such a severe punishment. But, if the infidelity of a man is justified by nature itself, then female infidelity is a complex concept that requires a detailed explanation.
Women are very emotional creatures, so it’s difficult to judge how they behave when they catch a partner in flagranti. Psychologists also agree that the reaction can be radically different - depending on who it belongs to. Although not only this is important - it is important that they feel the feelings that ladies give to their chosen ones.
In addition, there is an overwhelming feeling of rejection, as therapist Evelyn Cooney adds: people of infidelity go through the same steps as those who learn about an incurable disease or the prospects of near death - theirs or their beloved. We suspect that Dr. Elizabeth Claire-Ross, having written her great work, Conversations on Death and Death, did not even suspect that she also describes what the victims of the betrayal experience - and yet. A man does not recognize himself that the world is falling on his head, “this is impossible!” - he thinks that is a normal psychological reaction, he evades. Over time, however, we begin to understand that this is not a dream - at the moment of sobriety of the mind we say: “I really die” or “in fact, betrayed me” - we begin to believe, and with faith comes only one emotion: anger . Infidelity literally kills us. . Anger spreads like black paint that hides the whole world.
Psychology of female adultery
The nature of female infidelity can be explained in one phrase from an old joke: "It is not difficult to take away another woman’s wife, it is difficult to bring her back later." Although many wives deny that they can ever cheat on their spouse, in fact, statistics prove the opposite. A woman, unlike a man, is guided not by physiological needs given to him by nature, but by feelings. Therefore, it is the married woman who is easiest to seduce and fall in love with. Against the backdrop of stagnant relations with the spouse and the lack of romance, it is very easy to wake up the dying woman's feelings. After all, every woman dreams of being loved and desired, and the words for her are often more important than actions. Think about why, at all times, notorious romantics and vagabonds were revered by women more than judicious dealers? Why do women leave their reliable spouse for a street bully? As already mentioned, women live by feelings, and treason for them is an action dictated by their emotional sphere. No woman can cheat on her husband just because she liked the biceps or butt of her alleged lover. Among the causes of female adultery lie deeper roots.
After the well-known defeat of the “negotiations,” there is a painful and often long-term depression that somehow excludes us from life. Fortunately, as they say, the darkest is right before sunrise, because the next step is acceptance. Those of you who have experienced this in your own skin know what is being said. He tricked you, and now you know the truth. It is not easy to overcome infidelity, but no one said that the relationship is simple. Should you forgive this and work together to improve relationships, or put an end to now and move on?
Common Causes of Female Infidelity
So, why does the wife decide on such a risky step? For many, this is, first of all, a step of despair, finding a way out of a situation, solving problems. The reasons for the betrayal of the wife should be sought only in the family.
- Trying to forget family problems. More than 10 years of marriage pass, the family has children, but there are certain problems that do not make a married woman happy. Young girls are likely to sue for divorce, and a woman who has decades of family life behind her will not dare to destroy the created world. Because of my own insecurity, because of the children, because of the fear of change. She will find an outlet in the form of a lover. But over time, and this illusion will collapse, the woman will understand that she is deceiving, first of all, herself.
- Satisfying your own ego. Psychologists say that an unmarried woman can be distinguished by her gaze, a certain gleam in her eyes, an aura that emanates from her. Having married, a woman loses these signs and becomes uninteresting for men. And the fact that she is married also pushes fans away from her. It is in the search for male attention and romance that a woman decides to cheat. Moreover, often in such cases, it is she who becomes the initiator of extramarital affairs.
- Sexual problems. Intimacy plays a big role in family life. But over time, passion dulls, and many couples overtake the crisis. Not trying to find a joint solution to this problem, the spouses find it on the side. Sexual dissatisfaction pushes to cheating and wife.
- Women's revenge. Treason for this reason is a huge mistake. Having learned about the infidelity of the husband, the wife, overwhelmed by feelings, under the influence of extreme stress, goes on treason. But the result is emotional emptiness and, possibly, even a collapsed marriage. After all, a man, unlike a woman, is not always ready to forgive betrayal.
You are probably asking so many questions that your thoughts come crashing down with thoughts. If you did not leave him at the moment you found out the truth, in the coming months you are likely to live a real nightmare. Jealousy and anger often remain somewhere in the background, waiting for any opportunity to return to the surface, expecting to explode in a relationship that is still shaky.
If you decide to forgive this, unfortunately, you cannot take the time to rectify the situation, but there are a few steps you can take to make the relationship right in the right direction. However, keep in mind that positive results are not guaranteed.
- New love. No matter how old a woman is, she constantly needs love and romantic courtship. And if on her way a seducer meets, who will give her all this, then, headlong, she will rush into the whirlpool of a new relationship.
- Frequent parting. Long trips of the spouse can also serve as a catalyst for the betrayal of the wife. In this case, there are a number of reasons that contribute to the breakdown in relations: lack of attention, husband's suspicion of infidelity, sexual dissatisfaction.
- First love. As you know, first love leaves the strongest emotional memories in the soul. And if the object of youthful enthusiasm (provided that he did not get drunk, did not degrade) meets in the way of a woman, then her memory will excite past memories and relationships will continue.
- Marriage without love. Unfortunately, such marriages are becoming frequent in society. A childhood friend, by calculation, by flight - it’s hard to surprise such reasons for getting married.
And another important aspect - a woman changes not only the body, but also the soul. Therefore, if a man breaks with his mistress is easy, then for a woman this choice is very difficult. And when such a situation occurs, it is very important to stop being guided by feelings, and to start acting according to the arguments of the mind.
How to live after adultery with her husband
Expect to admit your guilt and express sincerity with regret that he deceived you. Express your suffering, anger and anger, preferably only through words and body language. He insists on a full understanding of the severity of his actions. Ask them to make continuous efforts in words and deeds to prove that they will never exceed this line again.
How to behave, if you convicted a husband of treason - the advice of a psychologist.
Galina Artemyeva writer, author of psychological novels, candidate of philological sciences
You suspected your husband of treason. They tried in different ways to find out the truth. And everything was confirmed. So what to do? How to be now? The psychologist Galina Artemyeva discusses how to behave better when she finds out about her husband’s betrayal.
Remember the song: "I decidedly took off my thrown jacket, it seemed I had the strength to be proud, I said to him:“ All the best “."
First: Do not rush to take off your jacket decisively. Cool and think. Well - let's think together. It turned out that you lived with a traitor. But you lived! Even quite a long time. And nothing! Well, still be patient, cool. Repeat, repeat to yourself: "Yes, he has changed! Yes, he has changed!" Well - let's repeat a hundred times, until it becomes funny itself. (It will certainly be, but not so soon!)
The second: let's admit to ourselves that nothing of the kind has happened yet. Everyone is alive? Alive! Even healthy! There is where to live, there is something to eat. Already good. Well - an extraneous dirty trick flew into your life. So now? Shoot yourself? Let's learn to keep punch! Rake this dirty pile and throw it in the trash. And that’s all! Forgot. And do not dare to grind in your poor head the words from the found letter of the husband, addressed to another: "I love you, you are my only wife - my cross (just think, yes? Well and bastard!), She poisons my life, only with you I'm happy. "
Third: tell yourself clearly what you want. Do you want everything to return, and be good, calm, peaceful? Is it possible! And it is up to you.
If you want to get a divorce, realizing that you are not able to bear the truth that has been revealed, remember one thing: it will not become easier after a divorce. In any case, the pain will be erased by time, but this will not happen soon. And why should everything be solved with the help of a divorce? Who will you do better by deciding to break? Mistress - certainly! Yourself? You decide.
Fourth: You can demand from the husband the termination of any relations with the mistress. If he goes to this and tries to establish a family atmosphere, try not to poison your life with him reproaches and scandals. In the end, he chose you. What more do you need?
Fifth: reconsider your relationship to marital proximity. Diversify your sex life, in no case do not shy away from sex.
Sixth: distribute household chores; let the husband step up his involvement in family affairs.
Seventh: clearly discuss the distribution of family funds.
Eighth: if the husband refuses to break up with his mistress, continue her relationship, it makes sense to decide on a warning about the break. Only seriously, not blackmailing, not playing. If the husband understands the seriousness of your decision, if his family is still dear to him, he may break off extramarital affairs.
A lot depends on you. The choice is yours. The main thing is to make a decision with a cold head. Do not let erratic feelings push you to reckless actions.
Signs of wife cheating
The nature of the woman is such that it is difficult for her to hide the changes taking place with her. The woman’s powerful emotional sphere is again to blame. Therefore, if the wife did not admit infidelity herself, which often happens, the husband can find out about her romance by a number of signs:
Tell her how much you need to be loved and feel safe in order to overcome this. Insist on doing everything you can to bring emotional security and well-being back to your relationship. Encourage him to pair with you, sexual therapy or a personal development group.
Help him open his heart to you and share his fears and emotional insecurities. Whether he agrees to accompany you or not, turn to your unresolved relationships or sexual problems for help. In the end, having discussed everything and agreeing that you want to try again, in the end, there is a chance that you will not be able to forgive him completely. You can let things go and stay connected, but always with a guard, wondering if it hurts you again.
- the wife hides her phone from her husband, does not talk on the phone with him,
- changes in appearance appeared, the wife began to carefully monitor herself,
- a woman has cooled down to sex, constantly finds a reason to evade sex,
- spouse emotionally drifted away
- she no longer cares about housekeeping,
- absences from home became frequent, from work also the wife returns late,
- any words or deeds of the spouse now annoy the woman,
- and the most important sign of infidelity is the appearance of gleam in the eyes, mystery and mystery.
But no matter what the reasons the woman is not guided by the betrayal, her consequences are most often very sad. What does a woman feel after her betrayal?
Most likely, the exorbitant burden of guilt will fall on women's shoulders. Even if the husband never finds out about the fact of a betrayal, the wife will be very worried and tormented because of the deed. Because of the fear of condemnation and the disclosure of secrets, a woman is unlikely to tell anyone about her act. But in such situations it is best to talk, cry on someone’s shoulder. In this case, being a lawyer, a judge, and an executioner, a woman can easily get to a nervous breakdown. And then only a psychologist or a husband who forgave her can already help.
The breakup of a family can also be a sad consequence of cheating on his wife. Although, depending on which side to look. If the marriage is already cracking at the seams, maybe it should not be saved? And divorce is the only step in order to start life from a new leaf. As a rule, men do not forgive cheating. A man understands perfectly well that if a wife cheated on him, that means she gave vent to feelings, that means that not only physical, but also spiritual betrayal took place. This means that his wife does not belong to him. And rarely will any spouse be able to forgive. Therefore, the consequences of a wife’s betrayal for a husband are always so categorical.
Another consequence of the accomplished adultery is a new relationship and, possibly, a new family. There are a lot of such cases in life. Having met true love, a woman goes to her lover and gets married. In this case, we can say that life after treason has become happier.
Thus, we can conclude that the causes of adultery on the part of the wife lie in the search for love, warmth, attention and understanding, which she lacks in the family. Treason occurs when the relationship has outlived itself. Therefore, in order not to blame yourself for the destruction of the family, everything must be done to preserve it before the woman decides to take a desperate step. If in her husband she sees at the same time a defender, lover, friend, then even thoughts will not arise about treason.
Loyalty is one of the most important moments of family life.Of course, those who are not happy in their life to recognize the bitter taste of treason are happy. However, even the halves who are very loving and adoring each other do not always succeed in achieving complete harmony in creating a strong family union. What to do if one of the spouses was unfaithful to his partner? What is treason and how to survive it?
Tips that can help
There are some elementary truths that the involuntary (or potential) participants in the love triangle (which is good, if not the polygon) must learn. They need to be known no worse than the rules of the road for the sake of maintaining mental and physical health, working capacity and self-respect.
Wives are advised to remember:
- Your idea of a husband is not your husband at all.
- If you began to perceive your husband as an invariable part of your home interior, you know: it’s quite possible that there are places where he plays other roles with pleasure, and at home he lays down after violent love games, perceiving you as a little thing needed in his household.
- Getting married, you do not get a husband for life use.
- The life of every person, including your legal spouse, belongs primarily to him. Everyone has the right to make a mistake. And the recognition of this error, too. It depends on you what your husband will consider a mistake - a marriage with you or an affair on the side.
- If you find that your husband is cheating on you, try to keep your prudence in the first place. Determine for yourself honestly and bluntly what you want in this situation. Possible options, as a rule, are as follows:
- I want to break off relations immediately and leave forever, forgetting him like a nightmare,
- I want to be together, to forgive everything and that everything was as before,
- I don’t want to leave and I can’t, but I dream of taking revenge on him for the pain I’ve caused
- I’ll stay with him from the principle that the mistress does not come out victorious,
- I need to reconsider the past, understand what my own misconceptions were, and not let the situation ruin myself.
Just take into account the law of life: nothing destroys us like a desire for revenge, so options c) and d) can be dangerous for your physical and mental well-being. Revenge of the guilty (if they are guilty) will be realized, believe me, without your participation. Because evil will return to its creators. But not when you long for it, but much later. You need to relax, thinking about yourself and your own, only yours, tasks and their solutions.
- Keep your dignity. Having learned about the betrayal, in no case do not try to communicate with your mistress, expose her, and collect facts discrediting her everywhere. Be taller. Let at the cost of incredible internal effort. Not for the sake of the husband or the opinion of strangers about you. For your own sake. Then to respect yourself for your strength of mind and strength of character.
- If you thought it possible for you to remain married to an unfaithful husband, forgive him completely and irrevocably. Do not engage in constant knocking out, do not rebuke, do not remind you of the past, do not ulcerate. Otherwise, you will make your husband very, very sorry for the fact that he still remained.
One must be able to show nobility. This is a feat. But if you consciously decided to save the family, work for the good of its restoration. (Restoring, we note, is always more difficult than destroying.)
- Do not try to find an immediate replacement for your husband, pay him back with the same coin. Any of us can find a random partner if necessary. Only he will not be a consolation. If we were pushed into a dirty puddle, we should rather get out of it, wash ourselves from the dirt and forget. But to enter into casual relationships is equivalent to the fact that you from one mud, where you didn’t get your own free will, will jump into another mud, assuring yourself that you are taking revenge on the first puddle.
- Focus on your health. Women who have deeply experienced the pain of adultery often get sick with female diseases - this is how the body reacts to humiliation and resentment. You owe it to yourself to stay healthy and attractive. Make every effort to be in public, distract from gloomy thoughts.
- Whatever you decide: to be together or to part, try to remain friends. This is the most fruitful, wise and true direction of thoughts and actions. Even if at first friendship with a traitor is impossible to imagine.
Husbands should understand:
- Women are arranged by nature in a completely different way than you. For them, physical intimacy means a lot more than gymnastic exercises followed by relaxation. In most cases, their soul strings are involved. Beware of vibrations of these strings in case of detection of your unclean behavior.
- If you say to a woman “I love you” in order to just feel the full emotional return from her, you play a dishonest game, because for her these words are equivalent to a proposal to forever bind your destinies.
- No matter how you are inspired by achievements on the sexual front, do not lose your head. If you are mostly satisfied with your marriage, you should respect your wife’s feelings if she finds adultery. You risk losing your faithful and reliable companion.
- Adventures on the side quite often end with the same marriage bonds. And a complete disappointment in the ardent feeling that forced to destroy the true relationship with the real (as it happens, some men say) wife.
- Do not bring your mistress into your family home; there are things that cannot be done under any circumstances. This is one of them. If a childishly naive question arises: why, you can answer quite childishly: it will be worse. A lover will be furious at the sight of his wife’s things, will inflame with such hatred that it will somehow materialize in the form of a series of setbacks and troubles that will begin to pour on the heads of all members of the family union.
- Do not devote a mistress to family affairs, to children's problems and the like. Caution: you give her the most valuable thing - information that she can use to harm those whom you love, but she does not. The secret always becomes apparent - it is an immutable law. At least do not contribute to this.
- You are deeply mistaken if you think that, having started an affair on the side, you have finally found a faithful soul that understands your original passion for freedom, adventure, extreme sports. You would be very surprised if you heard the intimate conversations of your freedom-loving and reckless lover with your friends. Believe me, you would be struck by the strategy and tactics of the battle for owning you just like a legal spouse, which are developed for a cup of coffee in a trendy restaurant. You understand: with us women, the count of time goes by seconds. We simply can not afford to spray "just like that." And those who allow themselves to be used as lightning rods remain completely bankrupt in their personal lives, without a husband, children and everything that is supposed to be for us. So understand: they are fighting for you! You are a pawn, not a king!
- Sorry for this very intimate point of our program. But if you have already entered the field of sexual games, please use an agent that protects against infection. No matter how trustworthy your new chosen one may seem to you, everything happens in life. There are often tragic cases when HIV-infected people intentionally infect those who trustfully have sexual contact with them, without being protected by anything. HIV-infected people are sometimes in a special mental state, believing that life has treated them unfairly and decide to take revenge on others for their own suffering.
- Do not tell your lover about the shortcomings of behavior, misunderstanding and perverse inclinations of your wife. You want to pour out your soul. You are looking for empathy. You crave to be loved, such a sufferer. You yourself, not noticing it, carried away, very thicken the colors. You, of course, love, regret. But remember: a woman who loves you may not be able to withstand the overwhelming hatred of your offender (that is, the wife with whom you do not intend to leave). And then thunder will strike! The wife will get the most, of course. But you will not bypass the chain of very unpleasant episodes.
- Life is a systemic process. As part of the system, we influence each other. Human relationships form feedback chains. Sooner or later, a person experiences the results of what he did with others. Therefore, try not to tune up, so as not to hit yourself at the most inopportune moment.
Article provided by AST
And was there a betrayal
First of all, you need to make sure that the betrayal was definitely there. Making serious decisions guided by rumors and speculation is not a good idea.
- Signs of behavior. Most often, women suspect a husband's betrayal when his usual lifestyle changes. But this is only indirect evidence. It can change for other reasons - the influence of friends, a new job, tiredness, a desire to become better, etc. Do not make serious decisions in life, guided by suspicions alone.
- Gossip. There are a lot of well-wishers around who are eager to tell the juicy details of other people's personal lives. But their stories are not always true. Sometimes this is a pure lie, and sometimes a simple misunderstanding. The husband went with a colleague for lunch, met his sister, or said an ambiguous phrase. There is no other words of faith.
- Woman's intuition. She does not work. If everything was so easy, no one would have lived with a liar for years without realizing his adventures. It will work or not - 50 to 50. And this is a bad ratio.
It’s best to get material evidence of adultery. In this case, you will stop wondering “was or not”, and the husband will not be able to unlock in the conversation.
Only if you are sure that the man has cheated on you, then you can make serious decisions in your life. Before this moment you do not need to ruin your life because of rumors and empty suspicions.
First, the news of her husband’s infidelity can dumbfire. The reaction can be different: surprise, distrust, anger, resentment, disappointment, etc. But it is very important to control yourself and not do any irreparable things.
First you need to let off the steam safely and cool down a bit:
- Stay alone. Get off work early, ask your parents or nanny to sit with the children. Travel to nature to ventilate. It’s better not to see the traitor for several days — to live with your parents, friends, at the hotel.
- Release the anger. You are overwhelmed with negative emotions that need to be released. Usually helps screaming, loud singing on high tones or beating dishes. At the same time, be careful not to cut yourself.
- Speak out. You need to put your thoughts in order. A good friend, a professional psychologist, women on the forums or writing to yourself will help in this. Do not hold back, say or write what you think. Sometimes in a conversation, women look at the situation with different eyes, which helps to make the right decision.
- Take a break. It is clear that thoughts will return to this topic again and again. Well, you need to at least temporarily get away from them. Go to bed, read a book, watch a movie, play a game. Sometimes daily routines that will return you to a sense of normalcy help you get distracted: wash dishes, vacuum, wipe dust.
As soon as the first emotions fade away, you can take a sober look at the situation and make an informed decision.
What to do if the husband changes: 3 options
There are not so many ways out of this situation. It all depends on what you ultimately want to come to.
- Get a divorce. The first thing they learn about betrayal is to think of divorce. To remove the traitor from the eyes. In this case, everything is standard - a serious conversation, a statement to the court, a division of property, a discussion of custody and a new life. But if you want to learn how to behave after a husband’s betrayal, then this is not your option.
- Be silent. Some women do not want to change anything. They prefer to pretend that nothing happened, turn a blind eye to betrayal, and behave as if nothing had happened.
- Solve problems in the family. There are many reasons why a man cheats, but does not leave the family. So everything is not so critical, and you have a chance to save the family.
You will have to make a lot of effort, work on relationships, but as a result, you can return your husband.
Which way do you choose? No one except you knows what to do in this situation. So it's up to you.
How to make a decision
Do not rush to make a decision, because you still have to live with the consequences. Psychologists recommend asking yourself a few questions:
- Is your fault in treason? It is unpleasant to consider yourself guilty, but sometimes the behavior of the wife pushes the man to treason. Denial of intimacy, decreased attention, immersion in a child, lack of common interests, etc. The husband is still to blame, but at least you will understand the reasons. So it will be easier for you to forgive him if you decide.
- Can you forgive your husband? Treason in someone’s eyes is an unforgivable thing, and someone treats it more loyally. Much depends on the nuances of betrayal - a single mistake or a long-term romance.
- Should I keep my family? If the husband is unfaithful, the wife lives her own life, and they almost do not intersect in life, then there is no point in holding on to this appearance of the family. But sometimes, even taking into account the betrayal that occurred, the family had comfort, mutual understanding and love, you can try to keep it.
- Can you build a relationship? The incident is not so easy to forget. If you understand that, as before, nothing will happen, maybe you should not torture yourself and your husband.
- Were there any betrayals before? Everyone can make a mistake once, but if this is not his first betrayal, then he does not learn anything. Most likely it will continue to change.
You can make a list of the pros and cons of a man and your family. So you will understand if there are things for which you can value your husband and build relationships. Or better to finish them.
«If the husband cheated on me, he is no longer my husband". Many women adhere to this principle in life. So barely learning about the betrayal, they want to get a divorce.
No need to behave rudely with your husband after deciding to leave. This makes no sense. All your communication should be minimized:
- Discussion of property issues,
- Discussion of child custody,
- Solving family issues, etc.
Clarification of the attitude, the search for the guilty and scandals - will not lead to anything. Quarrying in the presence of children is especially harmful.
Just let it go. And you save your own nerves.
Take your time - set the stage for a retreat. Gather money for the first time, change the job to the desired one, enlist the support of loved ones, find a lawyer, etc.
To pretend that there was nothing
Actually in cases where the husband does not realize that you learned the truth. In some cases, this is really the right tactic:
- Family just for children. If both of you are tired of marriage, but you hold on to each other to raise children. And let psychologists advise you not to save marriage for the sake of a child, but you think differently. Then you can close your eyes to the betrayal of your roommate.
- He provides you. The situation may be different - a woman is on maternity leave and cannot work with the baby in her arms. Or doesn’t want to work at all, prefer the role of a housewife. Sometimes unemployment is associated with health or lack of skills. In any case, you are ready to put up with a husband who has changed, so far he is giving you everything you need.
- Fear of being alone. Alone, especially with children in their arms, life will be difficult. It is scary to look for a new husband, especially if the age is no longer young, and you are raising children. It’s harder to get a job. It is difficult to combine motherhood, career and self-development. There will be almost no time left. And together it’s easier, even if they cheat on you.
- Own infidelity. You were in the place of your husband, and it would be hypocritical of you to scold him for treason. You are even: "I cheated on my husband, and my husband cheated on me." Why make scandals if your sins can surface in the process?
In this case, you need to behave after the betrayal of your husband as usual. No quarrels, scandals, hints or stinging remarks. If you decide to remain silent, you need to go to the end.
In addition, it is better to stop monitoring her husband’s infidelity - look for signs, signs of treason, try to find evidence. What for? Do not torment yourself in vain if you decide to let your husband cheat. Live your life.
How to behave to a wife after a husband’s betrayal in order to save a family
It is a completely different matter if you decide to keep the family. There is hard work to do on the relationship, but the result is worth it. Your actions depend on how exactly you learned about the betrayal.
If the husband admitted his treason himself, you do not have many maneuvers for movement. But there are many more options for what to do if you have obtained evidence and have not yet spoken to it.
The husband confessed himself
It all depends on the manner of recognition:
- With a challenge, in an attempt to offend you, in passing. He is sure that you will not go anywhere or is trying to specifically put pressure on a sore spot. Think again - do you want to forgive such a person? Find out why he talks about treason and what he is trying to achieve. Most likely, he wants to leave, because he doesn’t communicate with his beloved people. A constructive dialogue will not work here.
- An apologetic tone, with a guilty look, full of a remorseful voice. It may cry from an overabundance of emotions. When a husband behaves this way, he really worries about his mistake. Be sure to thank him that he himself admitted to treason. Do not forgive right away. Make it clear that it seriously hurt you, but you are ready to forgive the husband’s betrayal over time. But only one. There will be no second chance.
You need to discuss what happened. Having learned firsthand that the husband has changed, you may be taken aback by this situation. Especially if you had no suspicions.
He admitted himself, which means he feels his guilt and wants to save the marriage.
If necessary, ask for time to think. Say you don’t want to see him now and you need to be alone. The method is not important - you can either send your husband to live with friends, or go to your parents yourself. The main thing is to come to your senses.
Only when you feel that you have moved away from resentment, offer to talk. Alone in person or, if it’s hard for you to look at him, through messengers.
- “I did not expect this from you. I completely trusted you. Now I can’t discuss it, I need time to cool. ”
- “I felt something was happening, but I didn’t believe that you could do this to me.”
- “Apparently your betrayal is also my fault, I didn’t finish something. Let's discuss what pushed you to treason and how to avoid repetition. "
- “I am pleased that you yourself decided to confess everything. I do not promise that I will forgive you, but I will try. I need more time".
It is impossible to suggest how to properly respond to such recognition. There are men from whom such behavior is expected, but from others treason is a stab in the back.
Surviving it can be difficult. But he has already taken a step towards you, admitting to treason. Try to find a common language, find out the reasons for his act and try to make changes in the relationship.
Do not behave as usual. He does not expect this.
- Only talk on everyday topics.
- Sleep in different rooms.
- Refuse the pleasant surprises that you usually did: your favorite dishes for dinner, complete order in the house, massage in the evening, etc.
But at the same time, you don’t need to be rude or deliberately put pressure on guilt, pity, or demand gifts and services. Get away from the situation with a speed that is comfortable for you.
If you yourself found out
A completely different situation if a man does not know that you are aware of his betrayal. You can say that you know everything and discuss the current situation. Then you will have more leverage, and it’s easier to understand the reason for his betrayal.
«I found out that you have an affair with another woman. You can not deny, I have evidence. Why did this happen? I am ready to discuss the reasons and try to find a solution. I value our family, I want to preserve it, and only through joint efforts can we do it».
On the other hand, you can not tell him anything. Especially if you know what the reason for his betrayal lies. For example, you often refused proximity to him, launched your appearance, plunged headlong into a child and did not pay attention to your husband.
You have the opportunity to change yourself. Return passion, put yourself in order, pay more attention to your husband. Over time, the husband will notice that at home no worse than on the side, and will return. Instead of direct confessions, use hints.
«I feel that we are moving away from each other, and I do not like it. Let's spend more time together, find a joint lesson. Tonight I asked my parents to sit with the baby, so you can start now».
If you don’t know what the husband is cheating on, try to figure it out in a conversation:
«I see that you look at me differently and are not in a hurry to go home after work. What changed? How can I build our relationship?»
Over time, you will notice that it will change and become native again. Before returning from work, pampering, declaring love and making compliments. Due to guilty feelings it can become even better than it was before all these betrayals.
If the husband cheated, cheats and will cheat
Yes, he says so. For him, simply there is no monogamy, and novels on the side for him are necessary, like air. However, he does not want to refuse a family either.
Usually such men do not hide their adventures well. They are sure that the wife will not go anywhere and will understand her.
There are only two options:
- Leave if you are unable to share your husband with another woman.
- Accept if you are comfortable with the situation.
In this case, you need to behave as calmly and correctly as possible. You have chosen such a man, so you understand what awaits you. Therefore, the behavior should be appropriate:
- Do not look for evidence of betrayal - you already know that he is cheating, why injure yourself even more? Do not check the phones, do not search the car and pockets, do not follow it.
- Do not raise this topic. Avoid talking about cheating on your husband, do not remind him of this in quarrels, do not scold him when evidence is found. Ask for better hiding so as not to provoke you.
- Try to satisfy him. Most often, such men change for a change, and here you will not do anything. But if the reason is your coldness, denial of intimacy, lack of comfort at home, unkempt appearance or something like that, you can change. Maybe then he will stop looking for the missing features in other women.
- Take care of your life. Pay more time to yourself and your interests - go shopping, read books, do hand-made, experiment in the kitchen, etc. There are many joys in life that will help you escape from thoughts about your husband’s adventures.
- Offer a free relationship - if the husband is cheating, you can. If you are afraid to be caught, offer the man mutual treason. He already has them, so why can't you afford? This will save you from a sense of injustice, and maybe you will find a new husband.
For some women, physical adultery means nothing. After all, he returns home anyway. Spends weekends and holidays with family. Provides, loves children, makes gifts and declares love. And the fact that sometimes he goes to the left to maintain self-esteem, so everyone has their own shortcomings.
Just understand - he appreciates you and loves, he just has such a soul that requires variety in bed.
How NOT to behave
There are certain behaviors that must be avoided in any scenario.
- Recall this in any situation. In quarrels or disputes, to achieve the desired. Remembering jokingly or joking like that. This topic should be a thing of the past and no longer raised. It will be easier for you to move away from betrayal if it is not in the air.
- Prohibit rejoicing. At any happy moment, pull him, recalling his mistake. Do not thank for the gifts, take all of his courtship and compliments for granted.
- A complete ban on intimacy. It is clear that after the betrayal I do not want to sleep with my husband. But you can not drag out the punishment for years - by doing this you are harming yourself and yourself. Gradually get closer - first touch, hugs, kisses, affection.
- Jealousy, checks, rummaging through personal things. If you are afraid of recurrence of treason, which is understandable, discuss with your husband the rules of conduct. No passwords on phones and accounts, inform each other about plans for the day, warn about changes. Always answer calls, and if necessary, video calls. So you do not have to secretly monitor him, but you can always calm your jealousy. With proper argumentation, he will make concessions so that you forgive him. Nevertheless, you have reasons for suspicion.
Your husband cheated on you, I'm sorry, but you should not put an end to your relationship. But if the family reigns tension, irritation, enduring resentment and hatred, the husband can leave forever. Why would he tolerate this? Constantly living with a guilty feeling that cannot be made up for - no one can stand it.
So go in moderation, but do not drag out so as not to lose what you wanted to save. And after that, follow the advice from the article "How to behave so that the husband does not change," so that the situation does not happen again.
Can't forgive your husband - consult a psychologist. He will help to deal with emotions.
If all else fails, better to get a divorce.
After the betrayal, it is quite possible to return the husband to the family and live as happily as before. And maybe even better if you behave correctly. After all, now you can openly discuss what exactly does not suit you in a relationship and go towards each other.
Facts from a psychologist
Analyzing this controversial question, you should take into account the advice of a psychologist. A study by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky showed that 81% of men and 77% of women would not mind cheating on their spouses if they never found out.
In contrast, a Levada Center survey showed that 71% of women and 55% of men consider the romance on the side an abnormal and unacceptable phenomenon.
Comparing these figures, we can conclude that the young lady will not allow adultery in front of her husband, but would like to try if the man never finds out about it. The statistics of the Demoscope center show that every fifth Russian woman knows about firsthand betrayals.
Reasons for treason
The most common and obvious reason for adultery in the eyes of a husband is suddenly covering feelings that they are unable to cope with. It is widely believed that if a wife cheated on her husband, it was only because she met her great love. But it’s hard to call a random connection a big love, right? Yes, and some women can have so much love in their lives.
Men are considered simple antediluvian animals that are guided only by the call of the flesh. And this is also a fallacy. Changes can be led by completely different emotions and experiences.
Love for sex
No matter how widespread the stereotype is, women love sex as much as men. Especially when viewed from a medical point of view, girls with high levels of testosterone and libido are unlikely to be able to remain faithful to one partner for a long time.
In a difficult situation are those wives whose appetite categorically does not coincide with the capabilities of men. What then remains to do? Taming desires quietly on the side, and such wives know the words: “He is a wonderful father and a caring husband, we live in abundance, I generally love him.” But for carnal joys, you still have to go to the side. At the same time, a strong marriage remains an argument for its preservation.
Another reason for casual relationships, in addition, with such a motive, cheating is more likely to occur in front of the husband. The psychologist Oksana Fadeeva proved that self-affirmation really works in this case, but its effect is short-lived.
Those who do not need to cheat on men to raise their own self-esteem feel much better — they already always feel at their best and are the best. But this requires a large amount of work on oneself, mainly on one’s perception and assessment of reality.
It should be understood that this background of connections on the side, although partially justified, does not bring anything good to the wife. Unless they give a lesson to inattentive husbands.
Another reason why many women have changed in front of her husband. In response to his aggressive behavior, possibly beatings, an evil tongue and the complete blackening of his young life, young ladies often choose close friends and mutual acquaintances as lovers.
According to psychologists, ladies cheat on such husbands more often than divorce them, not only because men have a family and young ladies have nowhere to go, but also because they put themselves in a superior position, unconsciously enjoying it.
Unhappiness in marriage
Whether the unfortunate wife cheated on her husband’s back or did it in front of her husband’s eyes, there’s only one fact - they are completely justified in their eyes. He doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me, romance and passion are gone, I want another, I don’t want my husband - the list can be continued for a long time.
It’s worth understanding what you want from a relationship. If you want eternal declarations of love and serenades under the windows, then the psychology of treason will not save you. For the sake of mutual respect and happiness of both spouses, it is worth saving caring for each other and passion in bed, attentiveness to each other, but no one is obliged to be eternal Romeo and Juliet, psychotherapist, mom, dad and other close people for one another. Especially after two shifts of work in a complex team and with a nervous boss. Often the reasons for such a betrayal are too simulated.
Customize your attitude to treason
For those who would like to turn back the clock and do not know how to behave, there is good news. From a philosophical point of view, infidelity is not something good or something bad.
People themselves set the color for certain events, depending on what were the agreements and their own views on this or that action.
For example, you and your husband agreed in advance that sexual freedom in your marriage is not infringed. Then they do not attach such importance to treason, and conscience does not torment the person who has changed it.
If the husband warned his wife in advance that he wanted to observe all the charm of monogamy, which had changed, one could not avoid certain remorse.
What is the reason
If treason for every woman is a very serious and deliberate step, which she decides almost in the last turn, then what is the matter, and why are women cheating? There may be several reasons. Unlike men, any woman at first carefully thinks out a betrayal, and usually makes it only intentionally.
But one should not exclude “sudden” situations when treason is committed in a state of shock. Such cases occur when a wife finds her spouse directly “at the crime scene” and after a couple of hours “takes revenge” on him with a childhood friend or work colleague whose phone number is closer than the others.
It is not uncommon for a wife to cheat on her husband with his friend - for a long time he seemed to her more caring and helpful. There can be several reasons for intentional female adultery.
1. Disappointment in her husband. As a rule, women who have been married for more than 18 years go for it. Ordinary, daily routine, frequent quarrels or omissions with a spouse, lack of male attention - all this accumulates in the soul of a woman for many years. Reflections on whether it is possible to change a husband are visited by a woman more often. And she finds a way out - intimacy on the side, which, she thinks, can successfully compensate for the disappointment in family life with her already familiar, even disgusting spouse.
2. Low self-esteem. Women are known to love ears.If she does not hear compliments from her husband, he does not please her with gentle kisses on the cheek and does not praise her for a carefully prepared dinner, her self-esteem gradually tends to zero, she feels unattractive and uninteresting to her husband. The self-esteem of such a woman will soar sharply upward from the “on-duty” compliment of a pretty colleague. And she will decide that a connection with him is what she needs. It is for this reason that a woman decides, for example, to cheat on her husband at the resort if she goes there without a spouse.
3. Irregular work of the husband. No matter how unpleasant it may sound, such cases are a frequent occurrence in families where the husband is often on long business trips. Long evenings in solitude push a woman to treason, promising to compensate for the lack of male attention. This can also be safely attributed to a situation where the husband spends all his free time with friends, instead of paying attention to his wife. The constant absence of a husband is a frequent explanation of a woman why she herself divorces him.
4. New love. No one is safe from a beautiful, forever young and heady feeling of love. But, as the experience of most families shows, no woman will fall in love with another man if she is completely satisfied with her husband.
Whatever the specific cause of female adultery is always the limit. She talks about a serious crisis in family relations, about the disappointment of a woman in her spouse, and even that she cannot understand how to live on.
Better to prevent than worry
Surviving treason is much harder than preventing it. Therefore, if a woman often finds herself thinking: “I want to change my husband,” this is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. Moreover, together with her spouse. In this case, of course, it is not worth talking about your "sinful" intentions in any case.
No wonder relationships are often compared to flowers that need regular care. If they are not "revived" by watering, they will fade. Often, a woman is encouraged by the desire to draw his attention to herself, sexual dissatisfaction, or the complete indifference of the “second half” to the idea of betraying her husband.
In all cases, the solution to this problem is impossible without the direct involvement of the husband. Try to get as far away from thoughts of treason: be more often with your spouse, initiate joint trips to entertainment venues, directly say that you want more attention from him.
Remember that male psychology is more primitive and stingy than gentle, vulnerable and sensitive representatives of the fair sex. Eradicating thoughts of treason is much easier than then sitting alone, shedding tears and driving into a search engine: "I want to return my husband."
If cheating has already happened
It is quite possible that nothing could be prevented, it happened and now the woman sitting in a stupor with the thought: “I cheated on my husband,” decides feverishly what to do next. There are three possible options for action in such cases. Before accepting any of them, you should carefully consider all the pros and cons, clearly and firmly determine what you want to get out of life in the future in general.
Imagine a situation: he found out and filed for divorce without talking. Can you survive this if love for her husband is still alive, and betrayal now seems like a monstrous mistake? The main thing is not to succumb to panic. So far, except you, no one knows about treason, you yourself have the opportunity to decide what to do next.
1. Confess and ask for forgiveness. This option comes to the mind of each of the changed women who are tormented by conscience. But if you face the truth, he is not the most ideal. According to the experience of psychologists, every second did not forgive the betrayal of his wife, even after years. Yes, sincere confession will calm your conscience, but not every husband can forgive infidelity to him.
As mentioned above, men are the exclusive owners in life. Confessing a wife to treason will turn family life into a nightmare: this betrayal will be mentioned by the spouse in every quarrel, which will now be easy to provoke. Are you ready for this? Therefore, if the priority for you is to preserve the family and you still love your spouse, it is better to use the second option.
2. Keep silent and forget. Just forget it. How an unpleasant dream is forgotten. Drive away constant remorse from yourself, occupy yourself as much as possible. To make it easier to worry, tell yourself: "It was not with me." If you love your husband and sincerely regret the betrayal, in order to save the marriage, you should take all measures in order to overcome moral feelings. In no case do not talk about cheating with friends or relatives. Just start your family life with a new and clean slate. While the husband does not know, there are all possibilities for this.
3. Leave. This option is for those who have a love for her husband passed. And the fact that a woman decided on treason, it proved. It is better to divorce peacefully and stay in normal relations, giving each spouse the opportunity to start a new life.
But if the betrayal was the result of a crisis in relationships or an accumulated routine, there is a chance that after some time the couple will converge again. Separate existence after a quarrel makes it possible to look at the situation with completely different eyes, which can lead to a decision on reunification.
According to experts, treason is not a way out of this situation. For many, it seems attractive, but there is still a well-known law on the sweet forbidden fruit. If you are sure that you love your husband, despite all his flaws and “cockroaches” in your head, you should do everything possible so that the worst does not happen.
Drive thoughts of betrayal; during quarrels with your spouse, avoid provocative moments. Always remember that changing is very simple, and you will have to lick the wounds for a long time. Anyone will say that to destroy long-term relationships and jeopardize your marriage for the sake of the notorious infidelity is stupid. Every time you think about whether you should cheat on your husband, think about the consequences that will certainly poison your life. Especially if there are children in the family.
Draw a conclusion and live on.
If a betrayal has already happened and a woman is tormented with remorse, shame in front of her husband and a desire to honestly admit everything to him, this suggests that she loves her husband and there are chances to save the family.
In a situation where a woman takes treason for granted, we can safely conclude that love has passed and family life will no longer be easy, cloudless and filled with mutual understanding. The most honest option in relation to both yourself and your husband, who may still love, is to talk about the fact that the family is destroyed and you don’t see the point.
But no matter what advice you find in any article, the choice is yours to do specifically in your unique situation. If you love your husband, do everything to preserve marriage and good relations. If not, you should not stay, even despite the habit, convenience and joint parenting. And if there is a desire to restore relations and there are chances for this, then you need to use them. Author: Nadezhda Shmagileva
How to look at the world
Psychologists say that a person who cheats cannot see the world as he did before. Perhaps the spouse does not know anything, but the spouse herself will probably know that something is already wrong.
A lie will not become a sufficient basis to make a man happy, and this is exactly what the changed ladies usually want - to return to their former romance and care.
Try to evaluate your action, as well as other unpleasant things that you did in life, but you did them all. You cannot change the past, you cannot return time, but you need to live on. His further attitude to the experience on the side should be based on what kind of agreements were with the husband initially, maybe he himself would not mind going to the left, and there is good evidence for this?
Tell or keep silent
Suppose a man does not know that the lady is unfaithful to him, and the culprit herself does not know how to behave. Before you think about giving up red-handed, you need to think so many times.
To regain a state of complete equilibrium, you need to do only what you really want. If tormented by guilt and it seems that sincere confession will ease these torments - tell us. I don’t want to talk about it - don’t tell, but draw conclusions and don’t do it if it bothers you like that.
Other psychologists are inclined to the opposite opinion. Restoring peace is a secondary matter. But to maintain a relationship without silence about such secrets will not work. Otherwise, the husband may leave and not return, and even having forgiven the lady the misconduct, remain single or find another out of pride.
A person who has been cheated is not lucky anymore, and when they give him a slap in the face of "I cheated on you!" And the context "... that’s what you were insignificant for," he really wants to fall through the ground. And the context is perceived only as such and no more.
Self actions remain the same. Evaluate your act honestly, forgive yourself this fall and atone for your guilt. This means that you need to reduce the emotional distance between the retired spouses, to prevent similar situations in the future. But do not become his servant, as this will immediately show him all your cards.
It will be necessary to make efforts so that relations grow to a new, mature level, but for this it is necessary to eliminate the reason that led to the entertainment on the side.
Another tip: do not bite yourself and reproach. Man is weak by nature, imperfect and makes mistakes. Desires and fantasies have a place to be, and views on sex can change with age, which is why the word "never" has such a shaky basis.
Many are also lost in what is called treason: an innocent kiss or full sex, or maybe just a joint dinner? Psychology calls betrayal absolutely any action that moves you away from your partner and robs your relationship of intimacy and intimacy.
Everything else depends on what exactly you have agreed with your husband, and what kind of permissibility framework exists in your union.
Cheated on her husband - what to do? Psychologist's advice
Tip 1. Repent. Not husband
The guilty look and tension in the soul and body arises from the fact that you are actually to blame. This guilt puts pressure on you. Literally - crushes. The whole body, as if under pressure, is compressed, tensed. The soul - on the contrary, is torn. Too much "charge" of feelings and emotions. It is urgent to remove excess voltage. There is only one way - to speak out.
To whom? To the priest in confession. Psychologist at the session. Travel companion on the train. Do not - girlfriend, mom, women's forum. Your story should not be a simple statement of fact: “I have sinned!”, But with a clear description of your experiences today. For instance: "I cheated on my husband and a colleague on a business trip. I am very ashamed now. I realized that I fell. Then it seemed that everything was happening as if not with me, that this was a new stage in life. And that in that life will be bright, passionate and interesting. I was wrong. It’s impossible to change your life just by changing your husband". Something in this spirit, that is, repentance. You can do without intimate details, but to describe your current experiences is a must. Not only to cleanse your conscience (it won’t cleanse so quickly). Rather, for the purification of consciousness, in which there is now only one huge thought: "AAAA, I’ve broken everything, what should I do ?!»
Tip 2. Share responsibility
No one argues that you are to blame. Even if you were drunk and seductively seduced, you are not a little girl, you knew what was going on. But here we are not gathered for public flogging, but in order to understand how to live on. Question - what prompted you to take this step? Women (and men) do not run away from a good life into treason. A good life is one in which there is:
- mutual understanding in the family,
- mutual interest of husband and wife to each other,
- balance of load and rest,
- security with those goods that are needed for convenience, and even better - for comfort.
A good life is not one in which the husband comes home on a weekend, gives a huge amount of money "for life and for rest." Then it moves away to "your vacation", with friends or a computer. Formally, it’s kind of good, but it's not family life.
Of course, in any family crisis, two are to blame, husband and wife. Treason is not the crisis itself, it is its sign, symptom. If you have changed, it means that something happens between you and your husband, which is why you took the risk of losing everything.
Again, do not shift the blame on your husband for what you have done. Perhaps he really pays little attention to you. Or are you so tired that the house is associated only with everyday life, not with romance. But then the question is - what did you do to deal with the problem?
Treason is a signal that the relationship needs to be treated, for a long time not everything is going smoothly in them. To treat means to try both for husband and wife, to change their behavior, attitudes, solve problems. Of course, after these problems are realized and formulated.
Tip 3. Formulate the true problem.
You already understood that cheating is a sign of illness between the husband and wife. What is the real problem?
Guessing is pointless, you need to understand in detail. At the reception of a psychologist, or trying to peer inside yourself. I will list you as it happens. Not for you to choose your “diagnosis." Look at the following list and make sure that banal treason is just the tip of the iceberg.
What can provoke a betrayal:
- A feeling of alienation from a husband or wife, a lack of understanding,
- emotional exhaustion, tiredness from everyday life, "Groundhog Day",
- low self-esteem of a husband or wife,
- inner loneliness
- experienced shock, not worked out and not cried out,
- a feeling of resentment for the “soul mate”,
- feeling guilty about someone
- sexual dissatisfaction, mismatch of libido.
I met situations when a woman was forced to agree to spend the night with a man, because it promised her some benefit. At work, or "for the sake of the future of children." Most often, it turns out that the problem lies in the woman’s low self-esteem. "I will not be able to achieve what I want, otherwise. Only with your body.»
Of course, to do such a job and find the cause of the problems itself is difficult. Highly. At the same time, guilt is constantly returning. Women at the reception of a psychologist are afraid that they will be accused of the fall. But my task is not to be considered a model of morality. I help to figure out what went wrong with my husband and led to treason.
Tip 4. Draw conclusions and live on.
What happened is your experience. You won’t get rid of him. But he does not have to destroy everything that was built for many years. Yes, you did bad. But you repented. You have drawn conclusions. We worked to correct mistakes in relations with my husband. They were able to survive the feeling of guilt, although it did not go to the end. You will never bring yourself and your family to such a state again. You will never take risks. It is not worth it.
Yes Yes Yes. You were scared, ashamed, creepy that you could lose everything. More - of course, definitely, one hundred percent - no. You now understand how much you value your husband.
Do you hope that if the husband loves - forgive? In men, everything goes much harder than in women. Women forgive difficult, but forgive. Men are almost never. Rather, the husband, through his experience of betrayal, will bring his wife to such a degree of self-flagellation that she herself will leave, unable to bear the pressure anymore.
I changed my husband what to do now and how to live after the betrayal?
It happens that after the betrayal of the relationship changes for the better.But for this to happen, one must go through torment, remorse and all the other horrors that can only be between a husband and wife.
My main advice is to stop at the stage: “I really want to cheat on my husband!“If you catch yourself thinking that you want“ fresh sensations ”, then mentally go through all those points, from the first to the fourth, which I have listed above. And - start looking for the reason why you want to change.
If everything happened - you need to live on. It is in your power to make life better. Treason can both break everything and take everything to a new level.
Yes, you have to suffer the torment of conscience. This is normal and inevitable. But then, it is in your power to make yourself, the husband and the whole family even happier than before. Since it happened, you have to cope. I recommend reading my advice on how to tell my husband about treason.
But more - never repeat this mistake. Treason is the point of no return. After it, either everything falls apart, or you have to work a lot, mentally and in reality. Redraw relations with her husband. Those who survived this once will no longer stake everything they have at stake.
Stage number 1. We understand our feelings and find out the reason
A new day, a new morning begins with a completely different feeling of oneself in the surrounding world. No, the world has remained the same, the opinion regarding the film seen yesterday remains unchanged, and the constant barking of the dog in the yard is also annoying, but the woman who committed the betrayal changes.
As a rule, further relations with your beloved partner are terminated yesterday. Thoughts that have been laid down by our parents and teachers that infidelity is a meanness, and any further relationship with a partner, the very thing that we are betrayal, are surfacing to the surface.
But, as psychologists advise us, do not panic, you just need to listen to yourself, make an internal analysis of what happened.
When analyzing your changed inner world, you can discover many interesting facts: it can be sincere repentance (as I could!) Or, on the contrary, quiet joy (finally something pulled me out of the quagmire), or the woman suddenly realizes that cheating is a good thing, both for her and for the partner.
Leaving all the drama aside, every woman can realize for herself that a change was really needed. And, strangely enough, there are not so many reasons for such a desperate act, just five.
The desire to assert itself
If a woman lacks support in family relationships, she lacks self-confidence, then she can try to achieve success in other areas: work, passion and so on.
But if there is not enough female self-esteem, then the situation can be corrected by light flirting with another man, but it is easy, if, of course, the woman is restrained by the existing relationship with her partner.
Many women believe that having experienced a rush of adrenaline, the relationship will return to a happy and cloudless existence, but as psychologists say, this, on the contrary, will only aggravate the situation. If a “cloud” appeared on the horizon of family relations, allowing a woman to only think about another partner, then a woman should start with herself, try to change her behavior and current attitude.
Test of endurance
Situations when on the life path of a woman and a man there is some kind of barrier, in this case, not everyone is able to overcome it together. The illness of loved ones, the financial crisis, is so addictive that a woman does not seek understanding and support on the shoulder of her partner (after all, my man is already burdened with a hundred problems!), But on the side.
Psychologists are sure that in this case, cheating is a kind of anesthesia, but for some, such a shake is good, and for others it is only new experiences and new problems, because after solving all the problems, a woman is faced with aggravating thoughts of guilt and remorse. Perhaps you should not forget that the family is a single whole, and only joint actions will be assistants in overcoming the difficulties that have come to light.
Treason as a protest against the current situation
Many women claim that a single betrayal is not a cause for concern, but an opportunity to experience an emotional shake-up, after which life does not burden joy and work.
But such rare infidelities very quickly become permanent, so you should reconsider your attitude, maybe a really serious crisis is on the verge?
Cheating as the final chord in a relationship with her husband
Having changed, a woman at a subconscious level once again assures herself that the previous relationship has exhausted itself, and an attempt to reanimate them will lead to nothing. Therefore, treason, this is a kind of reason to leave and not look back.
Useful video in the topic:
Once you understand what prompted you to cheat, you need to decide what to do next: whether to tell everything to your spouse or vice versa to keep silent and forget. Or maybe it's worth a divorce?
The main advice in this situation is to make a decision in a calm environment, weighing all the pros and cons.
Despite how a woman will behave after a betrayal (she will pull herself together and tell everything, keep silent, as if nothing had happened), adultery is a step towards the gradual breakup of a couple. And though, apparently there will be no cause for concern, but psychologists are sure that further relationships will never be the same.